Don't Cha
by Fairytale Mistress
Summary: Hermione’s got a plan to get Ron out of the hands of another girl! What happens when 6 crazy girls get a hold of a crazy song, some crazy clothes, and some crazy dance moves? R&R!


_**Don't Cha**_

Author's Note: Ron and Hermione get-together fic. Hermione's got a plan to get Ron out of the hands of another girl and with the help of six friends, she's going to rock her house! What happens when 6 crazy girls get a hold of a crazy song, some crazy clothes, and some crazy dance moves? Read and find out!

Disclaimer: I don't own diddlysquat. J. K. Rowling owns all of these lovely characters… Believe me, if I owned them, I'd have shagged a few by now! The song is property of the Pussy Cat Dolls…

PS: Please R&R!

* * *

Hermione had always thought of herself as a moderately patient person. She knew very well that she was intelligent, and strong-willed, and she had all the bravery and courage any respectable Gryffindor could ask for. But the moment she witnessed Ronald Weasley and Lavender Brown locking lips in the Gryffindor Common Room she knew that it was going to take every ounce of will and patience she had not to strangle either one of them.

She guessed at first this anger came from some forgotten fight she and Ron had neglected to finish before the most recent Quidditch game. She always got excited for her house before and during the games, and because her two best friends were playing—she reckoned that she must have let an argument slip her mind.

* * *

Huffing and slumping down into a comfortable high-backed chair in one corner of the room, she attempted to block out the cheers and songs and soft, gushy, slurping noises coming from over her shoulder. She'd just pulled out her Potions homework when a tall, black haired boy slumped into the chair across the table from her.

"You can't be serious? Trying to do work during a party," Harry grinned at her, shaking his head.

Hermione didn't respond, but her eyes made an involuntary glance to where Ron and Lavender were cuddling on the couch. Harry nodded.

"He's just trying to make you jealous, you know," Harry whispered across the table, still grinning. "He's trying to get you back for snogging Krum last year."

Hermione flustered, glared at Harry and opened her mouth to retort, but at that very moment, Ron sidled up between them, dragging a very giddy Lavender behind him. "Awesome catch, mate," he called to Harry, and was surprised when something hard slammed into his shoulder.

Hermione grabbed her parchment, her quills and ink, and stuffed them all hastily into her bag. She slapped her potions book closed and rammed Ron out of the way as she made a beeline for the girls' dormitories.

"What's she on about?" Ron asked, but didn't hear Harry's reply, because Lavender had taken to snogging his brains out once again.

* * *

Nearly two months had passed since the snogging had begun. Hermione settled herself grumpily into a desk at the back of an empty classroom intending to practice for an upcoming charms test. However, her mind refused to focus on the spells in the book, insisting instead on a certain tall, freckled, red-headed dummy who refused to be seen without his new giggling lilac hip attachment.

Sighing, she closed her book and rubbed her temples. "_What's wrong with me_," she thought shutting her eyes so tight she saw spots of color behind her lids. She had thought over every tiff Ron and she had had in the last six years, and nothing, _nothing_ was left unresolved. _"That only leaves one explanation, Hermione,_" a voice in her head cooed. She shook her head hard to rid herself of the thought she'd been trying to escape for two solid months.

"Get a grip on yourself, girl," she whispered out loud, and she felt her fingers trembling on the sides of her face. "You can't like Ronald Weasley."

"And just why not?" came a male voice from behind her.

Hermione started and nearly fell from her chair. Spinning her head so fast that she got a crick in her neck, she saw Harry leaning against the doorway, his invisibility cloak draped over one arm. "How long have you been there," she asked.

"Long enough," Harry said, and stepped into the room, shut the door behind him, and took a seat next to Hermione.

"I don't like him." Hermione tried weakly. She realized that her voice sounded so fake that it wouldn't have convinced Neville.

"Uh-huh," Harry said, grinning again, "and I'm a hippogriff."

"Is it obvious?" Hermione groaned, lifting her head from her hands and glancing at Harry.

"Only to those who know the two of you well enough," Harry stated, "but if you don't so something about it fast, everyone will know."

"If _I_ don't do something—" Hermione flustered, sitting up in her seat.

"What I mean is," Harry began, cutting her off, "you need to find a way to get it across to him that you're… well… available."

Hermione blinked at Harry. Since when had he been so good with relationships? "How do you know that?" she asked.

"Honestly! And they say you're the smartest witch of our age!" Harry exclaimed, laughing. "Ron talks at night when he's in the boy's dormitory … he always asks about you." Harry put particular emphasis on the last bit.

"What—" Hermione started.

"It's obvious he's only going out with Lavender to make you jealous… To get a rise out of you. It's his way of seeing if you like him back." Harry explained.

"How do you know all of this?" Harry asked, airily.

"Well, to be honest, Ginny and I've been trying to get the two of you together since fourth year." Harry admitted. Hermione guffawed. "Now, Hermione! Don't be that way! We were only trying to help!"

Hermione lowered her wand and Harry sighed with relief. "If he thinks snogging this bimbo in every dark corridor will make me beg him to be with me instead, he's got another think coming!" she snapped, smiling for the first time in weeks.

"Uh-oh," Harry groaned, "I don't like that look on your face."

"You told me I needed to get a point across to him…" Hermione apparently finished the rest of her thought in her head, grinning madly.

"Hey, now! Don't go blaming this on me!" Harry said, waving his hands in defense.

"You've given me brilliant idea Harry! I have to talk to Ginny!" Hermione exclaimed, and leapt from her chair. Turning and dashing to the door, she stopped and looked back over her shoulder at Harry once more as she jerked the heavy wooden door open, "Don't tell a soul we talked, I have a plan!"

Harry yelped, and then called out a "Good-bye!" to his retreating friend. Shaking his head in disbelief, he muttered, "What have I done?"

* * *

Hermione found Ginny dozing on her bed in the Girls dormitories. In her eagerness, she shook her awake more forcefully than she had planned.

"Who—wha—wassgoinon?" Ginny started, snatching her wand from her robe and sending a trail of red sparks across the room. Blinking to clear her vision from sleep, she noticed Hermione, who'd flopped down on the bed beside her. "Oh, hey." She said, smiling.

"I hear you and Harry have been talking about me." Hermione got right to the point.

Ginny stared at her friend for a moment, and then realized what must have happened. With a silent "ooooooh" she nodded her head, smiling. "Well, as a matter of fact, we have." Ginny said, drawing her legs up and crossing them, allowing Hermione access to the bottom half of her bed. "I assume he broke down and confronted you?"

"You could say that." Hermione said.

"Then you know all about our little plots to try and get you and my brother together?" Ginny asked, and noted the curt nod Hermione gave her in reply. "Yeah. I'm sorry Hermione… Ron can be such a dunce sometimes." She sighed.

"Oh. Don't worry about that, Ginny," Hermione smiled wickedly, "If Harry's right, I think I know what will get his blood boiling."

Ginny's eyes flashed. She grinned just as wickedly, "So, finally, Hermione Granger has had enough of Ronnikins' little game?" she cooed devilishly.

"If I have my way, Ginny, Ronnikins will get a nice big dose of his own medicine," Hermione purred in return. "But I need your help."

"I'll do anything!" Ginny exclaimed, clapping her hands together and leaning forward so that she and Hermione could talk details.

* * *

Three days after her conversation after her conversation with Ginny and Hermione was still practically beaming when she sat down across from Harry in the Great Hall for breakfast.

"Hermione, that smile is starting to worry people, you know," Harry murmured to her just as the owl post began to swarm in through one of the great windows.

Hermione gazed at him for a moment, and then buttered her toast and ate in silence.

"Aren't you going to tell me what the two of you have planned?" Harry urged.

"I'm afraid I can't Harry. I can't take any chances that it might get back to Ron—" but at that moment, Ron and Lavender plopped down not far away, and Hermione glared at them a moment before shaking her head. "I'm really sorry Harry, but you'll just have to wait and see." Without another word, the grin returned to her face, and she grabbed a few more pieces of toast, and headed out of the great hall, for her first lesson.

Harry shook his head, dumbfounded.

* * *

Two more weeks passed, and Ginny and Hermione began to talk of consorts that might be willing to help them in their endeavor. Sitting in the girls' dormitory one evening, after a particularly difficult round of tests, Hermione and Ginny began to put their plan into words before others for the first time.

Gathered around were a select few of Hermione's good friends and a few consorts she thought might be willing to help just for the fun of the idea. These girls were Luna Lovegood, Parvati Patil, Katie Bell, and Cho Chang.

There was mild muttering and whispering amongst the girls until Hermione cleared her throat, effectively bringing the meeting to order. "I believe you all know why I have brought you here," she began, "but if you wouldn't mind, I would like to know why you feel like you want to participate in this idea."

The girls stared at Hermione for a moment, and then a few giggled and began to mutter again. Luna Lovegood was the first to speak up.

"This is what friends are for," she said simply, shrugging and grinning.

Katie Bell nodded in agreement, adding, "plus, I'd love to get Weasley back for losing the first couple of games for me!"

Cho smiled and tilted her head a little to the side, "Harry talked me into it, he said I might be able to help you out." Her cheeks flushed pink, but no one took much notice, as Parvati spoke.

Parvati shrugged and smiled faintly, "to be honest, it's not Ron I'm after," she said, "I just want to see the look on Lavender's face, when you do what ever it is you're planning on doing."

"What _are_ you planning on doing?" Katie asked, her eyes narrowing with playful suspicion.

Hermione smiled broadly and looked over at where Ginny was sitting.

Ginny nodded, and then cleared her throat, "We're gonna put on a little show after the next Quidditch game, girls." She said, wryly.

"What kind of show?" Cho asked.

It was Hermione's turn to answer, "We're going to sing a little song—by this American band I've heard of—it's perfect really…" Hermione kept talking but she trailed off as she hurdled the length of her bed and dove into her open trunk. The other girls dashed for cover as things (books, mostly) went flying, and in a moment or two, she produced a small square case, containing a round flat disc. "This is it."

The others only stared at it, not really understanding, until Hermione slipped the disk into a small CD player she had, and played the song in question. By the second verse, every girl in the room was laughing and clapping and hooting, complementing Hermione and Ginny on a fabulous idea. Hermione stopped it suddenly, and placed a finger to her cheek.

"We'll need to practice as often as we can," Hermione implored, "There's not a lot of time between now and the last game of the season. That's our goal. Are all of you dedicated to one night a week? Say, Thursday evenings at eight?"

The girls were silent for a moment, and eventually, after they had all run through their schedules in their minds, they agreed that Thursday at eight would suffice.

They then continued to listen to the song, upon the urging of the girls.

Once the song had finished, Hermione shut the CD player off, and regained the attention of the group. "For this to work the way I want it to, we're going to need certain… outfits." She said, looking at Ginny, uncertainly.

Ginny nodded and grinned broadly, "Yes! The girls who sing this song are dressed very…well… provocatively." She looked around and noticed that the faces staring back at her didn't look apprehensive at all, a few even looked overjoyed. "Next weekend is our next Hogsmeade trip. There's a shop there that sells things, and I have a catalogue here that we can order things through." She didn't sound as though she was finished explaining, but the rush of hands grabbing for the magazine she held made her giggle, and join in the chatter. Hermione gleefully joined in as well; all six girls pointing and marking the things they wanted most. All of the orders were placed within the next few days.

* * *

The weekend of the Hogsmeade trip came slowly for Hermione. She was anxious to have the minor things bought and out of the way, and none of the packages had arrived yet, and she was beginning to worry.

She woke at dawn, glancing down at her alarm clock that was set for 6:30am. She had almost an hour. Deciding that sleep was impossible, and that she didn't have time for it anyway, she rolled out of bed and flung the drapes back. Much to her surprise, she met Parvati's eyes across the room. Looking around, she saw that Ginny had come up from the fifth year dormitories and was sitting silently on poufs on the floor. With a smile and a wave Hermione greeted them silently, and told them that if they intended to be up at this early hour, they might as well go ahead and get ready for the day. Breakfast was at seven, and the Hogsmeade was at nine. Ginny nodded and hopped from her pillows on the floor and darted to the door, shutting it silently behind her. Hermione looked at Parvati for a moment longer, and then to the bed where Lavender's curtains were still drawn, she was still asleep.

"I'm going to the Prefect's bathroom for a nice long soak." Hermione whispered, and Parvati nodded, turning to her trunk and quietly unlatching it.

Hermione gathered her things and walked quickly through the empty common room and down the stairs and through the corridors until she reached the hidden door of the Prefect's bathroom. She uttered the password, and the door appeared, and once safely inside, she undressed, and drew herself a hot, blue and purple bath that smelled like rain and violets. After her soak, Hermione felt ready for anything. She dressed quickly and made her way up to her dormitory without being seen and then dressed for the day ahead. She and Parvati as well as Ginny and Katie met in the common room right before seven o'clock and went to breakfast early.

It was apparent that the excitement was not contained within Gryffindor tower alone, for not long after the Gryffindor girls had arrived that Luna trotted in and waved, walking to sit across from them, at the Ravenclaw table. Cho was right behind her, peeking in the Great Hall first, to make sure that she wouldn't be the only one down there. She came to a halt behind Hermione and Ginny and grinned. "I couldn't sleep." She said, softly. The other girls muttered the same, and Cho found a seat at the Hufflepuff table.

Slowly, but surely, the Great Hall filled with students and professors alike. Professor McGonagall was the first professor to emerge from her chambers and was curiously observing the six girls spread throughout the Great hall. They all exchanged eye contact, hand signals, and giggles, and she felt sure that they were up to something. With a stern look at Katie Bell, Head Girl, and Hermione Granger, Prefect, she settled into her breakfast, reading over some parchment.

By the time eight o'clock rolled around, and Harry finally showed up, Hermione was picking at her third helping of eggs, and was turned halfway around in her seat, signaling to Cho across the isle.

"100 Galleons you're up to something, Hermione." He said, between bits of his sausage and gulps of pumpkin juice.

Hermione turned her face on him, and smiled. "Good morning Harry. Are you going to Hogsmeade today?"

Harry nodded, "I assume you're going as well?"

"Oh yes, the girls and I have a few…errands to run." She said slyly. Beside her, Katie raised her goblet to hide her grin.

"The girls?" Harry looked at Hermione and Ginny, and then at Katie, who by the look of things was obviously in on their little secret. "How many girls does this include?" He wondered out loud.

"The three of us, Parvati Patil, Cho Chang, and Luna," Ginny tallied them off, without missing a beat.

"So, you've figured out your little plan…" Harry trailed off, grinning, and taking another long swig of pumpkin juice. "If I promise not to tell, will you let me in on it?"

"Sorry Harry. We're hoping to surprise everyone." Ginny said, nibbling on some toast she didn't really want.

Harry sighed, and rolled his eyes. He guessed he wouldn't be accompanying them to Hogsmeade today, after all.

* * *

Once in Hogsmeade, Hermione let Ginny lead the way. It was clear that she had been to this particular shop before, and she'd never even heard of it. They turned down an alleyway, passed the Hog's Head, and turned again, and there, on the corner, was a glowing window full of sparkly jewels and other girls' fashion extras. "C'mon! There's a lot of stuff in here that will work! And it's really not that expensive!" Ginny prodded all the girls inside, and darted in after them.

The walls were covered with dangly earrings, necklaces, and rings, there were special kinds of…undergarments… designed to enhance certain…assets… there were shoes of all kinds (Hermione had to talk Luna out of getting the ones that defied gravity and barked), the girls 'ooed' and 'aahed' with every turn of their head.

"Ok girls, remember, we're here to pick out things to complement the outfits we've already ordered," Ginny called out, picking out a pair of cut off gloves from a rack and trying them on.

Parvati's voice trickled up from the back of the shop, and she called Katie over to her, "Look at these!" she announced, holding out two or three glittering scarves, "aren't they lovely?"

Three hours later, the girls left the little shop with significantly lighter purses, but with more bags than they could carry. All of them were giggling and talking under their breath, about some great surprise. After a short reprieve in the Three Broomsticks, where they met up with Harry (who was desperately trying to escape from Ron and his slobbery plaything) and had a few rounds of butterbeers. He followed them back to Hogwarts talking with Katie Bell about Quidditch tactics for the upcoming game.

* * *

The next week, the owlery was kept busy. On Tuesday, Cho and Katie both received huge boxes carried by three owls a piece. With a knowing glance at one another and at Hermione and Ginny, they took them and quickly exited the Great Hall, before anyone could ask them to open them. On Wednesday, Luna got hers, as well as a letter and a copy of the Quibbler from her father. On Thursday, Parvati got two packages, and looked sheepishly at Hermione before gathering her things and trekking out of the Great Hall. That night, they had another practice, and everyone was talking about all the new things they had received… everyone except Ginny and Hermione.

Friday morning came bright and early, and Hermione hardly ate for staring at the window where the owls usually entered.

"Are you expecting a package?" Ron asked her, for once free of Lavender's lips.

"No!" she nearly screamed, "I'm just… thinking!" she said, lamely.

Near the end of breakfast, three owls flopped down on the table, carrying a heavy package addressed to Hermione. She untied them, and fed them a little toast before they flew off. She noticed Harry's raised eyebrows, and she glared at him as she slipped the package into her already stuffed bag, using an enlargement charm to cram it in there.

No sooner had she returned to her plate, than three more owls collapsed in front of Ginny. She giggled and untied them.

"Hey! Whassat!" Ron said, ripping his face from Lavender's, and trying to grab for Ginny's parcel.

"It's a…a care package… from mom." Ginny lied.

"How come I didn't get one?" Ron roared.

"It's because it's full of _girl_ things Ron, you insensitive git!" Ginny said loudly, and several people turned their heads to stare at the two of them.

Ron's face turned as red as his hair and he released the package as though it had suddenly been engulfed in flames. "S—sorry."

Ginny suppressed a grin, and spun on her heel, snatched up her satchel, and stomped out of the Great Hall.

"_What a convincing actress!_" Hermione thought.

* * *

That evening, in the safety of the girl's dormitory, they all tried on their new outfits.

When they all came from behind the different partitions, they all gasped, at one another, and giggled and twirled, and shrieked, and hooted with joy and excitement. The next evening, those very outfits would help Hermione get Ron back for torturing for half the school year.

Cho went first, once they'd assembled the line, and she pranced around in very short shorts made of dark blue denim, with rips placed in strategic locations. She had tucked three or four of the scarves Luna had happened upon in the shop in Hogsmeade into the back pockets for that extra "bounce". Her top was nothing more than a black knit top, fitted at the waist to expose her bellybutton and hipbones, with an open neckline, that was falling off one shoulder. The sleeves were bunched up just below her elbow. She chose black boots made of leather that zipped and buckled up almost to her knee. Her hair was down, and she'd added a few bangles she'd only worn on special occasions along with some giant hoop earrings she'd bought at the shop.

All the other girls clapped and whooped for her, and she blushed and waved off the compliments on her sexiness. She found a pouf across the room and watched the procession.

Luna was next, and she walked out and spun revealing a very short but frilly tan skirt, with patchwork done here and there. There was a belt around her waist, but it was only there for looks, and she had a scarf looped around it. Her shirt was a white tank top, with a bright purple, sparkly bra underneath it. The tank top fell to middle of her stomach, leaving her bellybutton exposed. Her shoes were also boots, but because they were big and clunky, they looked more like combat boots than classic boots—leave it to Luna. Her hair was pulled back into a loose braid, some of the strands falling down; she'd added some fingerless gloves, for effect, and a few bracelets for pizzazz.

The rest of the girls applauded her for her unique ingenuity, and she too took her place on a pouf ready to watch the other girls strut their stuff.

Next was Ginny. She was wearing a very low cut, light blue v-necked halter top, and a tight black miniskirt with a very precariously placed slit. She had a scarf draped there, just in case, and she'd thrown her hair up into a messy-but-sexy ponytail. Her hands were adorned in fingerless gloves, that matched her skirt, and her nails were painted black.

She twirled and the girls applauded and Hermione grinned, knowing that Ron seeing his little sister dressed this way would really get under his skin. Ginny took a bow and hopped up on Hermione's bed, pulling a pillow into her lap, for obvious reasons.

Katie went next, twirling as she came out, and then striking a pose. She wore tight light colored blue jeans that were ripped at the knee and hip and just below the right buttock, and a red corset with a black tank top underneath it. The way the corset was designed, the top was just fabric, no stays of herringbone, so she left it unlaced, so that her cleavage could sort of… fall into it… her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, her bangs swept to one side with a black clip. She had black lace gloves that stopped at her wrists on, and silver bracelets topped them off. Her shoes were simple black and white tennis shoes.

"I love it!" Ginny called, and clapped, the other girls whistled and clapped as well. Katie smiled widely, and bowed as Ginny had done, and joined her on Hermione's bed.

Parvati followed, wearing a very lovely green tinted skirt, with a kind of Indian print on it. It shone softly when she moved, and the others knew it was probably made of silk or satin. It had slits on either side, clean up to her waist, and the shirt that matched it, was a spaghetti strapped cropped shirt, that reached just below her bust line. She had tied her hair back with a scarf in a long braid, and she wore the tiniest golden sandals whose strings laced up her legs that made her legs go on forever. She complimented the sandals with gold bangles and gold earrings.

Again the group whooped and hollered their approval as she twirled in front of them, proudly showing of her body and her heritage. She gave a little nod and took a seat on another abandoned bed, waiting for Hermione to emerge.

Finally, from behind the partition, Hermione strutted to the center of the dormitory. She was in a very short, very formfitting jean skirt, with a scarf tucked in one of the hind pockets. The skirt itself was so low that her hips were plainly visible over the band of the skirt. For a shirt, she'd taken a school uniform shirt, rolled up the arms and tied a knot at the bottom of the front, exposing even more of her sleek, slender stomach. She only left two or three buttons on the shirt buttoned, and a bright green bustier was clearly visible through the shirt which enhanced her already ample cleavage. She'd pulled her hair up into a messy clip, with tendrils falling down here and there. Her shoes were soft, black leather booths, with no buckles or zippers. She'd put a dab of lip gloss on, for good measure.

The room erupted in applause, and she giggled at the others' reactions. "C'mon, you guys! We all look great!" she called, begging them all to simmer down, before attention was drawn to the room. "We do need to practice once more before tomorrow night, though. And I think it might be a good idea to do it dressed as we are."

The room stared at her. How were they going to practice like they were without being caught? It was hard enough to get a classroom to themselves when they looked like _normal_ students.

"We're going to use the room of requirement, aren't we?" Cho said, almost apprehensively.

Hermione nodded. It was the perfect place. "Everyone throw on your robes over your clothes, and make sure they're zipped up all the way!"

The girls crept from the dormitory, and swept across the common room which was inhabited only by Ron and Lavender, cuddling in a corner, and a few second years, trying to finish their work across the room. Neither group paid any attention to the girls as they exited the tower, and made their way to the seventh floor.

* * *

The next morning Hermione awoke with a start. Today was the day. Glancing at her alarm clock, she was surprised that it read 6:53am. She'd ignored her alarm! She hopped out of bed, and noticed that her whole body was trembling with nerves, and dressed in a hurry.

She met Harry down in the common room, and quickly, their conversation turned to Quidditch. This helped to ease Hermione's nerves a little.

"How do you think you'll do? Do you think the other team's as prepared as we are?" she asked, and for the first time in her life, she felt a genuine, wholehearted interest in the answer.

Harry stared at her for a moment, and then replied, "Well, Slytherin's got a great strategy, but we've got a tight group here. And we've been practicing as much as we can… I don't think we'll lose today." He said, looking confident.

Hermione nodded, and spaced out for a moment, as they entered the Great Hall. She didn't talk much during breakfast.

Harry starred at her for a while, and then gave up the ghost, and focused on his own meal. He figured it had something to do with the plan she was implementing and if it did, she wasn't about to tell him anything about it.

* * *

Hermione found Luna in the stands, and they gave each other looks of encouragement. Luna smiled brilliantly, as if to say, 'you're gonna be brilliant tonight!' but Hermione still felt numb inside. It wasn't until Parvati slumped down beside her, with a look of apology—she was closely followed by Lavender Brown, who was hooting and screaming "Won-won!" into the Pitch—that Hermione really felt encouraged. This had to stop.

The game was intense. Ron blocked every quaffle but one, and Gryffindor led 100 to 10. It was still a close match, if Malfoy caught the snitch before Harry; the game was Slytherin's. But then, Hermione saw Harry dive, he was in the right place at the right time. Slytherin scored another goal, and a bludger hit on of Gryffindor's beater's in the side, but Harry caught the snitch in an amazing dive, before Malfoy even knew what had hit him. The confetti had been tossed, the banners were thrown, the songs were sun, and somewhere amidst it all, Hermione grinned to herself.

* * *

Though it was generally thought that all the players were required to return to their common rooms for the celebratory parties, there was no rule, written or unwritten that said they had to stay. After a few slaps on the back, and a glass of butterbeer for Katie, they slunk off to the Girls' dormitory, one by one.

After sneaking Cho and Luna into the Common Room, Hermione joined Katie and Ginny and Parvati and they began to get ready. Once everyone had gotten everything together—they were all flitting excitedly back and forth across the room—Hermione called for silence. "Is everyone ready?" she asked, and five faces eagerly nodded their approval.

"How're you going to get the music—" but Katie was cut off by Hermione's hand.

"I've got it all worked out. There's a simple charm that magnifies the volume of sound—I simply have to place this on the CD player—" she pointed her wand at the little circular object and murmured a few words, "and then say the name of the room, like this 'Gryffindor Common Room', and now, when I push play, it'll start playing, and everyone will hear it." Hermione explained.

The girls nodded, impressed, and shook their nerves out as they heard another round of singing down in the common room come to an end. "This is it—it's now or never, Herms," Ginny said, smiling. "Good luck, you guys!"

With a final jumbled whoop from all six of the girls, Hermione pushed play, and jerked open the door to the girls' dormitory. "Let the show begin!" she called, marching down the stairs, to the beat of the music.

* * *

The music seemed to be coming out of _thin air._ Heads jerked up to the ceiling and stared around the room in wonder, at the strange noise, but their feet began to tap nonetheless. This went on for a few seconds, and then they heard a noise from the girls' dormitory.

'_Oh. My. God.'_ Thought Harry, when he saw Hermione and Ginny and Cho and the three other girls enter the room. This mouth opened and shut, and he dropped the glass he was holding.

Hermione grinned as she saw Harry's reaction, she grinned because she saw that several other people had done exactly the same thing. She and her posse strutted straight into the center of the room, which cleared to form a circle around them, she spotted Ron and Lavender seated on the couch right in front of them, the circle keeping them from escaping. Ron looked pale, as though he were unsure whether he should be horrified, or enjoying this. Lavender, on the other hand, looked livid.

Hermione smirked, and put her hands in her hair, as she called out the first line of the song,

"**Oh, baby dolls**"

The other girls sprung into action, writhing, bucking, slithering behind her, spaced so that everyone had a perfect view. Some of the bystanders were swaying or bouncing with the beat, others just stood with their mouths open, ogling Hermione and the others and the flesh they choose to reveal to them.

Harry had recovered from his temporary stupor, and pushed past a few third years for a better look. '_She's crazy_' he thought, and then chuckled to himself. He knew of no other way to make Ron absolutely mad for her. '_Well played, Hermione, well played_' he thought to himself. But it was then that he noticed the red haired girl dancing next to her. Again, Harry felt his eyes glaze over, and his hands fell limp at his side. '_Son of Merlin! How she's….Grown!'_ he thought, and blushed a very deep shade of scarlet. Harry could not take his eyes off of Ginny Weasley, no matter how much he intended to watch what was going on between Ron and Hermione.

"**I know you like me (I know you like me)  
I know you do (I know you do)  
That's why whenever I come around she's all over you  
And I know you want it (I know you want it)  
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)  
And in the back of your mind  
I know you should be home with me" **

**  
**When the lyrics of the song began, Hermione saw Ron stiffen and gulp. She saw Lavender jerk her head toward him and glare. Hermione felt better knowing that she was the one singing them, and she was the one causing even the red of Ronald Weasley's hair to turn white. She saw as Lavender tried to recapture his attention, but it was to no avail—Ron just stared openmouthed at Hermione, as she bumped and popped and writhed before him.

The other girls in the sextet backed her up, singing along wither occasionally, matching her moves perfectly. Occasionally, they would switch places, or catch the eye of a bystander, and dance a little with them, everything was going just as Hermione had planned.

**  
"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't cha  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't cha" **

Hermione almost couldn't finish the first chorus when the whoops and the hoots and shouts rang out over the music. Many of the boys in the Common Room were enthusiastically nodding their heads yes! Hermione took note of that and smiled a very seductive, sultry smile at a particularly handsome one, dancing close to him for a moment, before walking close to Ron, so he could smell her perfume. His eyes bugged as she bent over him, and he did not meet her eyes when she tried to look him in the face. But she had accomplished her goal—her shirt was open for a reason! Lavender scoffed and reached for Hermione, but she jumped back in time and swung her hips around in a deep squat looking suggestively over her shoulder.

Ginny had noticed a few of the boys were staring at her, Harry, Dean…and when she switched places with Cho, she was closer to them both, and decided to play a little game with them. First, she caught Dean around the shoulders, and pressed her chest firmly against his, rubbing it slightly against him as she bounced to the music. Dean's mouth fell open in shock, but she released him—watched him wobble on unsteady feet, and made her way to Harry.

She wrapped one arm around his neck, and crooked a leg around his hips, and she leaned back away from him, in sync with the music, and then sort of slid down him a little like the would a pole. Harry's reflexes were faster, however, and he caught her before she could get away. She spun back to look at him, and when she met his eyes, she saw the fire she had ignited within him. Smiling lightly, she plucked herself out of his grasp, with a promise of "later" and returned to her position for the second verse.

"Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)  
Leave it alone (leave it alone)  
Cause if it ain't love  
It just ain't enough to leave a happy home  
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)  
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)  
See, I don't care  
But I know she ain't gon' wanna share"

The next set of lyrics, Hermione decided needed to be taken in a kind of sarcastic manner. So she sauntered back up to Ron, ignoring Lavender's protests, and sung the lyrics low, almost purring. Ron swallowed again. And when Hermione sung the fourth line, she grinned wickedly and jerked her head towards Lavender and winked. '_I think I just saw him turn a little green!'_ she thought to herself with a sort of glee. By the end of that verse, Ron was looking at Lavender like she was some sort of infectious disease and Hermione couldn't have been happier. She gathered momentum and spun into the chorus again.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't cha , baby  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't cha"

By this time, formation was broken by all the girls, only Hermione was keeping pace, staring at Ron, her eyes on fire. The others were flitting between boys, bumping up against them, and planting meaningless kisses on their cheeks.

By the end of the chorus, even Ron was nodding his head yes, and Lavender was punching him in the arm—but Hermione doubted he felt a thing. His eyes never left her. A thought struck her, and Hermione got down on her knees and crawled toward Ron. When she was at his knees, she raised her self up on them, pressing her body against his lower legs. She saw him gulp again, and took it as a good sign. She began to sing again, only hoping that her backup girls weren't too preoccupied to keep up with her.

"See, I know she loves you (I know she loves you)  
I understand (I understand)  
I'd probably be just as crazy about you  
If you were my own man  
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)  
Possibly (possibly)  
Until then, Oh friend you're secret is safe with me"

The first few lines Hermione sung and glanced between Ron and Lavender and Lavender seemed pacified by this—oddly. By the end of the verse, Ron had raised a hand to touch Hermione's face, but she only smiled coolly and rubbed herself against him as she stood, walking back to the circle and calling her girls to her.

They all resumed their formation, and danced the sexiest dance anyone at Hogwarts had ever seen. 

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't cha  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't cha ?"

The last line was more of a yell than a note, and it all blended together with whoops and hollers of the crowd. Hermione and her little group of girls had posed at the end, but had been engulfed by the crowd of cheering, clapping Gryffindors.

When they all broke free, they saw that Ron was still sitting on the couch, stunned, Lavender trying to turn his head toward her so she could resume their kissing-fest which was so rudely interrupted. Hermione looked their way for a moment, and then heaved a sigh. It was his turn, and it was up to Ron now, whether or not he dropped the ball. Beside her, Ginny caught her hand and gave it a tight squeeze, before she darted off "to find Harry and snog his brains out".

Luna and Cho hung around for a little while—they'd each met someone and were talking to them. Parvati ran to tell her sister what had happened, and Katie laughed with the guys she normally hung out with about the whole ordeal, and finally went to take her outfit off.

Hermione turned to return to her dormitory, feeling a bit letdown that nothing had happened immediately after her little show had ended, but just before her foot hit the stone steps, a strong, warm hand grabbed a hold of her wrist.

She turned around, expecting to see Harry, but instead, she found Ron looking down at her from his bright blue eyes. "Yes. Yes I do wish my girlfriend was…was all of that." Ron said, huskily. His eyes looked a little different than they normally did.

Hermione swallowed the lump in her throat. Was he angry with her? What was going to happen? The common room was nearly empty now, even Lavender had followed her one of her friends out of the portrait hole… she was nearly completely alone with Ron Weasley after she'd made such a complete fool of him.

"The only problem, Hermione Granger, is this…" Ron trailed off, looking into Hermione's face for a very long time, "The only one that fits all of those qualifications _is_ you."

Hermione gasped and she felt herself being pulled towards the tall red head in front of her. His arms clasped firmly around her waist. He pulled her into a tight embrace, before speaking again.

"I've wanted you, Hermione. I've always wanted you." He said, sounding a bit sheepish. "Can you forgive me?"

He pulled away from her, and took her face into his hands. Stunned, happy, bewildered, Hermione nodded lamely and held her breath as she watched Ron lower his face to hers.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Hermione and Ron sat very close together, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder. Every once in a while, they fed each other bits of toast or bacon.

Harry shook his head. "You two really are disgusting." He said, laughing, not really meaning it. He was just happy that his two best friends were finally where they belonged. Ginny sidled up next to Harry and pecked him on the cheek.

"Good morning!" she greeted Ron and Hermione, who looked just as stunned as Harry.

"Morning to you too!" Harry replied, and took her hand, beneath the table.

At that moment, Malfoy passed the Gryffindor table and walking beside him was Pansy Parkinson. He looked over at the new developments and sneered. But before he could cough out a joke, Ron got his attention.

"Hey Malfoy!" Ron called, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like mine?" The whole Gryffindor table erupted in laughter which stopped every conversation in the room. Malfoy stopped in his tracks, but could find no retort to match Weasley's.

* * *

Fin.

(c) The Fairy Tale Mistress  
July 19, 2006


End file.
